Then again..

I am NOT taking a new lover, at least not Mr. 6'6". He looked nothing like I'd remembered him looking (yes, there was alcohol involved). He was a nice guy, though a little immature, but not my type. I did get a few cosmos out of the night though. Lovely.

Anyways, sluts remorse and why I am suffering from it. my mother and i recently got onto the topic of why I thought I needed to be on the pill (yes, boys, I am on the pill, but I don't have sex without condoms) and I thought, "Oh, here finally is my chance to be honest with my mother about this topic!" (I know what you're all thinking, "why?!??") and I went for it. I embellished first about how often I have sex to get the point across but then negated that once I sensed that she thought I was a whore, and now she's happy to believe that I'd like to be on the pill 'for the rare occasions that I have sex' that I'd like a back-up method of protection too. She told me repeatedly during our conversation how she thinks it's immoral and dirty to have sex when you're not in a relationship, and she said I ALWAYS knew that. Yes, okay, mother. Before that night, I had never spoken to my mother about sex and I never will again after that night! She considered "talking to me about sex" when she would lecture me on why my younger cousin was too young to be having sex with her boyfriend and why her mother was stupid for letting her go on the pill.

I'm sorry. That doesn't seem to me like she was talking to ME about sex (more talking AT me about somebody else's sex life). Am I confused here, or something? Another thing, I believe my aunt was right. It is my whole-hearted believe that you can't stop kids from anything (unless you lock them in a closet, but that's abuse so...), really, especially having sex, so if they want to have it, at least have them be safe.

So, needless to say, after my mother thought I was being a slut, I began to think about things more. I'm done re-thinking things now because it's my personal belief that sex is for pleasure, not solely when you're in love (though the two can go hand-in-hand) and I like my life. There have been times when I've felt used, but I'm getting better and better at seeding out those men who make me feel this way.

I'm safe and I'm not hurting myself or anyone else while leading my life. So, I'm golden, right?